just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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