we're blogging at a bar
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
