I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
