guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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