you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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