I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
