Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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