I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
pray to the hookup gods
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
