I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you told grandpa to call you daddy
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
