bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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