Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
