you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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