How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
