how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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