im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
