and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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