I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
