also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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