he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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