Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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