I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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