Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
