Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
