Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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