what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Someone signed my nipple.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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