So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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