there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
