Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
