Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
time to smoke my breakfast
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize