theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You may now shotgun with the bride
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
