I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
