My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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