Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
sex in a hospital.. check
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize