xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
