New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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