the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
