A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
