I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
