just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
