What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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