Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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