I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
