if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
