alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
