babies were throwing up all over the place
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize