The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
