So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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