i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have fence marks all over my body
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
