yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
