Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
