SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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