ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
