maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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