So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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