it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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