he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
