HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
