There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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