I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he thought i was a dude.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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