if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
