I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize