does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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