dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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