Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
