I wanna passion pit in your ass
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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