my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
