p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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