well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize