I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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