He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
