Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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