Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
