also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
