I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
