he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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