I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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