I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
