I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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