Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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