I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
