I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
