8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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