My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
