I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
