Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize