If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
