is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
