Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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