i think i have two assholes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
