Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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