YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
