Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
