There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
soo... how was my night?
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