wrigley field is MILF paradise
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My bed smells like the plague
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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