i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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