just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
