I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
