I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize